Cheryl Tay tells us how to avoid a schoolbus-old lady flattening fiasco while putting on make-up

 

The psychology of fear is very interesting and pertinent when it comes to the science and art of controlling the huge contraption known as a modern automobile. First of all, let’s establish that human beings were never designed to drive, fly or sail; explaining why things like car, air and sea-sickness exist.

 

I have devised my own scientific index, the C.Tay Scale, to determine what other silly things humans insist on doing despite being contradictory to natural biology laws, theological leanings and your own preferred explanation for human existence.

 

The method’s easy to learn. Simply look at a person’s head during any given activity and see if there’s a helmet. Jerry Seinfeld once said something along the lines of: “Instead of wearing helmets and risking our necks, why don’t we just stop doing whatever it is in the first place?”

 

He does have a point. Nonetheless, humans continue to risk their lives daily in steel deathtraps known as automobiles in order to carry out important, life-saving tasks such as swerving across four lanes to catch a fare, going to the market, and tailgating; things like that.

 

Wait. Before you begin throwing stones at me, Seinfeld, just like me, is a person who understands cars and the passion behind them. He, unlike me, also happens to have one of the largest collections of Porsches in the world.

 

Driving is not natural and neither is flying but we do these things anyway because they challenge, thrill and bring rewards (which must be why Neil Armstrong went to the moon in the first place). Besides, nothing beats NOT having to share the trip to school with a trainload of people, half with idiosyncrasies too obvious to ignore.

 

This brings us to Fear. Fear is that voice in the back of your head saying: “Really you shouldn’t be doing this because you’ll only kill yourself.” Anyone who’s ever driven a vehicle of any sort will know what I am talking about; the first time you did it you were afraid of driving straight into a (school) wall and slaughtering a classroom full of kindergarten kids..

 

OK, at least I was, and I readily admit it (tsk tsk). Fear is an inbuilt response and is actually good for you. Most times it helps to ensure your continued existence on this earth so it’s almost as important as sex (politically correct term: human reproduction) in that respect.

 

But I will be serious here for a single paragraph. A car (or plane or boat) can be a source of endless hours of entertainment for the whole family and a huge convenience in your life. It can also be a superb example of a weapon of mass destruction. Case in point: a

200-car pile-up in the United Arab Emirates earlier this year which left six people dead and many more injured. Seriousness ends.

 

And I am here to tell you how to conquer that Fear: what you must do to reduce that voice in the back of your head from “OMG WE ARE GONNA DIEEE!!” to “Ok, if you really totally absolutely must, wear a seatbelt. And be careful of taxi drivers.”

 

Many of my female friends (and some male ones too) tell me they’re too afraid to drive, if only to avoid accidentally kill someone while putting on their makeup or a schoolbus-old lady flattening fiasco.

 

This is totally understandable.

 

To reduce the Fear to manageable levels, all you have to do is tell yourself things like, “I will NEVER have to take the bus AGAIN, woohoo!” or “Naked women will jump into my convertible, laughing into the backseat, uninvited!”

 

Alright. Maybe not.

 

The key to all this is balance. The already crowded streets don’t need men without fear or those without brains. And we sure as heck don’t need anymore drivers who already make themselves look like idiots without the need for a jester’s suit, bells et al.

 

Also if you haven’t noticed, people who wear ‘No Fear’ t-shirts generally look like idiots as well. Those who do get suckered in by that mantra are unfortunately all dead.

 

So remember: never make Fear your friend. You’ll be better off with Fear as a sort of passenger that you can’t wait to get rid of. And then maybe you’ll stay alive long enough…

 

 

 

Cheryl Tay, our regular motoring columnist has recently graduated from Nanyang Business School, but her love for cars and more cars continue to fuel her passion which keeps her contributing.

For that, I’m grateful to her.

- Sports Ed